Everything I Wanted - By Billie Eilish (LYRICS) I had a dream I got everything I wanted Not what you'd think And if I'm being honest It might've been a nightmare To anyone who might care Thought I could fly (fly) So I stepped off the Golden, mm Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried) Nobody even noticed I saw them standing right there Kinda thought they might care (might care, might care) I had a dream I got everything I wanted But when I wake up, I see You with me And you say, "As long as I'm here No one can hurt you Don't wanna lie here But you can learn to If I could change The way that you see yourself You wouldn't wonder why you hear They don't deserve you" I tried to scream But my head was underwater They called me weak Like I'm not just somebody's daughter Coulda been a nightmare But it felt like they were… Discussion:
The song Everything I Wanted, written and sung by Billie Eilish, speaks to the struggles and anxieties that come with her fame and popularity. Eilish is well known for her strong voice towards topics like mental illness, and what she describes in Everything I wanted is no exception. The lyrics explain scenes of jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, being forgotten by the people she cares about, and feeling isolated and alone (screaming underwater) (Eilish, 2019). Essentially, it describes Eilish’s biggest fears, and her struggles with depression and anxiety. I remember when I first listened to this song, I didn’t really listen to the lyrics, until Eilish sang “Thought I could fly, so I jumped off the golden”. That line, combined with her eerie, whisper-like voice in this song evokes an almost unsettling effect. Billie has stated in an interview that the inspiration from the song came from a dream she had in which she took her own like and no one around her cared, fans criticize her for it, and her close friends and co-workers came out to say that they “never really liked her” (BBC Radio 1, 2019). However, throughout the song she also explains how she feels towards her brother in terms of the support and comfort he gives her. She explained in the same interview how her brother is her best friend, and he is always there for her (BBC Radio 1, 2019). Throughout the song, the main message is Billie’s struggles and fears that come with her fame and popularity. The paranoia that the relationships that she has are fake, and that no one would care if anything were to happen to her. But also explains that no matter what, she will always have her brother. Citations B. Eilish, F. O’Connell. (2019). Everything I Wanted [Recorded by Billie Eilish]. Santa Monica, California: Darkroom and Interscope Records BBC Radio 1. ( February 6, 2019). Billie Eilish Talks New Music, Freaking People Out and More with Annie Mac[Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYYpZf06dgc
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Sleep and Coping Diary Analysis and Reflection From this assignment I learned quite a lot. I have always been aware that I am a stressed person, especially after starting my senior years at high-school. For some of the time, my stress is what motivates me to get things done and be productive (eustress). On the other hand, (I would say for the majority of the time) the stress that I have affects me negatively (distress). I was relatively interested at the start of this assignment to see what I would end up recording and analysing. Just like with the sleep diary, I had a good idea of what it would look like (as I am aware of how stressed I can get), but it was still interesting and surprising to see all 4-5 days of stress recorded and picked apart. I found it beneficial by how I became aware of what I was reacting to, and what my thoughts were through each instance.
Throughout what I recorded, I saw a recurring pattern of what stressed me out most frequently; as I had expected, it was mainly school related. Even in a time when I am not actually attending in-class lessons, having due dates and assigned work to finish is a frequent stressor for me. For the most part, the stressors aren't even that big; however a mix of my procrastination and perfectionism makes it feel that way, and in turn stresses me out. Looking at what I had recorded, triggers usually occurred after I had put something off, or woken up late; even just the thought of not being as productive as I wanted to be set off an anxious feeling. As for how I cope, relaxation, meditation and problem solving are the most recurring mechanisms I seemed to use. Maybe because I have had to deal with being stressed for a lot of my life, but a natural response for me now is these strategies. Once I’m conscious of the fact that I am stressing over something I always try to take a step back, take a deep breath to relax, and then figure out what I can do to fix the way I am feeling. This usually involves listing what I need to get done for the day and just taking it one step at a time. By the end of the day, sometimes I still feel anxious. This is the time I try to remind myself that I did all I was able to that day, and it's ok to not have gotten through everything I set out to do. For all that I have recorded over the last couple days, I have noticed that the majority of the stressors are things I have little to no control over (current events, due dates, waking up late). These are things that won’t change no matter how much I worry about them; however the stress that I put behind them can be lowered if I try to do something about it. This assignment has also made me realize that the majority of things that I stress over aren’t big looming problems, just simple inconveniences. There are a lot of people that have it a lot harder. Through this project, I have realized that if I use the stress I am feeling towards these “minor inconveniences” to motivate myself, there will be a positive outcome. Overall, I found this assignment insanely interesting and eye-opening as a person who is constantly stressed. I hope to use what this project has taught me throughout the next times I feel anxious and stressed. |
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